A little story to remind us to cherish our loved ones

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

My friend shared this on facebook and I was reading it while on the train. It made me tear but thankfully the train wasn't crowded.

Men are like Rubber bands and Women are like Waves

From the bestseller Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus:

Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away, they can only stretch so far before they come springing back.

When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.

Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It's not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.
Women misintepret a man's pulling away because generally a woman pulls away for different reasons. She pulls back when she doesn't trust him to understand her feelings, when she has been hurt and is afraid of getting hurt again, or he has done something wrong and disappointed her.
A man pulls away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy. When he has fully seperated, then suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again. Automatically he will be more motivated to give his love and receive the love he needs.

Why Men Pull Away
If a man does not have the opportunity to pull away, he never gets a chance to feel his strong desire to be close. It is essential for women to understand that if they insist on continuous intimacy or 'run after' their intimate male partner when he pulls away, then he will almost always be trying to escape and distance himself; he will never get a chance to feel his own passionate longing for love.

A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.

Why Women Panic
As Jeff instinctively pulls away without any explaination to Maggie (or to himself), Maggies reacts with fear. She panics and runs after him. She thinks she has done something wrong and turned him off. She imagines he is expecting her to reestablish intimacy. She is afraid he will never come back.


Why Men and Women Doubt their Love
Without an understanding of this cycle it is easy to see how men and women begin to doubt their love. Without seeing how she was preventing Jeff from finding his passion, Maggie could easily assume that Jeff didn't love her. Without getting the chance to pull away, Jeff would lose touch with his desire and passion to be close. He could easily assume that he no longer loved Maggie.

How Women Misinterpret Men
To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner. By feeling her needs, problems, wants and emotions he may lose touch with his own sense of self. Pulling away allows him to reestablish his personal boundaries and fulfill his need to feel autonomous.

Obstructing the Intimacy Cycle
There are 2 ways a woman may unknowingly obstruct her male partner's natural intimacy cycle. They are: 1. Chasing him when he pulls away and 2. punishing him for pulling away.
Chasing Behaviours:

1. Physical: when he pulls away, she physically follows him.
2. Emotional: When he pulls away, she emotionally follows him. She worries about him and wants to help him feel better or feels sorry for him. She may look longingly or hurt which in a way pleads for his intimacy and he feels controlled.
3. Mental: She may try to pull him back mentally by asking him guilt-inducing questions. She may try to please him and be overly accommodating. She tries to be perfect so he would never have any reason to pull away. She gives up her sense of self and tried to become what she thinks he wants.

Wise Men and Wise Women

The man grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away that he will be back.


This is just an excerpt from the chapter on understanding the male behaviour. Although I've read it eons ago, it has slipped my mind and now re-reading this has made me realize and understand certain aspects of Aloysius and myself. It's definitely less confusing and frustrating now. The only challenge is for him to open-up to read and understand the fundamental gender differences and how the book can help us and anyone for that matter who is determined to have a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Next up will be the 2nd part on crazy female behaviours.

Why can't I just put my head before my heart??!!

;(
Argh!!!

The fruit of the day..

...is melon collie.

WHY?!

... must everyone piss me off??!! f*ck all of them ! ARGH!

I need to displace all this negative energy ;((

Forgiven but not forgotten

UN Ambassador Susan Rice deemed Libyan's leader Qaddafi “delusional” and “unfit to lead”. Rice said the fact he was laughing at questions while “slaughtering his own people” showed that he was disconnected from reality.
This extreme consequence of the lethal combination of power and lunacy even has the UN has to intervene to resolve this crisis.
This might be a very high-level macro instance of insanity, but I can definitely name a few closer to home.
How do you identify someone like that?
When he/she:

1. manipulates and abuses everyone to his/her bidding by virtue of blood relations.
2. hides behind the excuse of not trying hard enough to appeal for sympathy.
3. lies and lives in self-denial at the expense of others.
4. tortures anyone who stands in his/her way.
5. thinks too highly of him/herself when he/she is worth nothing.
6. expects everything to be given to them by obligation.

This is just the tip of the iceberg.
When this occurs on the global scale, the UN will help to save the victims. So what do you do when you're a victim of this collateral damage?
Firstly, you should do all you can to salvage the crisis, regardless of who is right or wrong.
After the damage control, what's the next step? Should you be a bigger person and give in?
Yes, you can forgive but never forget.
Never forget those that love you and never forget those that vilify you.

Godspeed that Libya finds peace soon, and in turn there might be hope for the rest of us.