Men are like Rubber bands and Women are like Waves

From the bestseller Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus:

Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away, they can only stretch so far before they come springing back.

When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.

Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It's not a decision or choice. It just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It is a natural cycle.
Women misintepret a man's pulling away because generally a woman pulls away for different reasons. She pulls back when she doesn't trust him to understand her feelings, when she has been hurt and is afraid of getting hurt again, or he has done something wrong and disappointed her.
A man pulls away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy. When he has fully seperated, then suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again. Automatically he will be more motivated to give his love and receive the love he needs.

Why Men Pull Away
If a man does not have the opportunity to pull away, he never gets a chance to feel his strong desire to be close. It is essential for women to understand that if they insist on continuous intimacy or 'run after' their intimate male partner when he pulls away, then he will almost always be trying to escape and distance himself; he will never get a chance to feel his own passionate longing for love.

A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.

Why Women Panic
As Jeff instinctively pulls away without any explaination to Maggie (or to himself), Maggies reacts with fear. She panics and runs after him. She thinks she has done something wrong and turned him off. She imagines he is expecting her to reestablish intimacy. She is afraid he will never come back.


Why Men and Women Doubt their Love
Without an understanding of this cycle it is easy to see how men and women begin to doubt their love. Without seeing how she was preventing Jeff from finding his passion, Maggie could easily assume that Jeff didn't love her. Without getting the chance to pull away, Jeff would lose touch with his desire and passion to be close. He could easily assume that he no longer loved Maggie.

How Women Misinterpret Men
To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner. By feeling her needs, problems, wants and emotions he may lose touch with his own sense of self. Pulling away allows him to reestablish his personal boundaries and fulfill his need to feel autonomous.

Obstructing the Intimacy Cycle
There are 2 ways a woman may unknowingly obstruct her male partner's natural intimacy cycle. They are: 1. Chasing him when he pulls away and 2. punishing him for pulling away.
Chasing Behaviours:

1. Physical: when he pulls away, she physically follows him.
2. Emotional: When he pulls away, she emotionally follows him. She worries about him and wants to help him feel better or feels sorry for him. She may look longingly or hurt which in a way pleads for his intimacy and he feels controlled.
3. Mental: She may try to pull him back mentally by asking him guilt-inducing questions. She may try to please him and be overly accommodating. She tries to be perfect so he would never have any reason to pull away. She gives up her sense of self and tried to become what she thinks he wants.

Wise Men and Wise Women

The man grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away that he will be back.


This is just an excerpt from the chapter on understanding the male behaviour. Although I've read it eons ago, it has slipped my mind and now re-reading this has made me realize and understand certain aspects of Aloysius and myself. It's definitely less confusing and frustrating now. The only challenge is for him to open-up to read and understand the fundamental gender differences and how the book can help us and anyone for that matter who is determined to have a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Next up will be the 2nd part on crazy female behaviours.